Movie Critic Assassins

End of the world doomsday predictions are nothing new in world history. Throughout the centuries you’ll find various relics of past predictions where the world was supposed to “bite the big one.” This year brought a very public current one.

Harold Camping (pictured above), leader of Oakland-located Family Radio International, initially said that May 21 was supposed to be our last tango. When that didn’t happen, the prediction was revised to the more current Oct. 21.

That date also came and went and shockingly, we’re still here. To celebrate, we’ve compiled three fun film facts to fully commemorate our un-demise.
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1. The alternative ending to Terminator Salvation.

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Nothing says apocalyptic futures like the Terminator films. The last franchise entry we had … is more remembered for a Christian Bale rant at a poor film crew member.

……..“You’re a nice guy. A NICE GUY!…”

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Want to hear something really bananas? Check out what Salvation’s Director McG said was going to be the alternative ending to the film…

“We had a jet-black ending. Connor dies, we’re in a room with all the people we care about. You take Connor’s likeness, you put it on the living machine of Marcus. He sits up, now looking like Christian Bale, takes a gun, kills Kate, kills Kyle, kills Star, kills everybody, eyes flare red, [snaps] the end.” — McG.

“Skynet is done with you…professionally”

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I wonder if McG ever had an ending like that in mind for Charlie’s Angles: Full Throttle?

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2. James Cameron’s nemesis: Gary Oldman, teenage girls.

 

Speaking of Terminator, the original master behind the franchise, James Cameron, currently sits atop the all time box office mountain with films like Titanic and Avatar.

What’s not as well know is what’s cropped up over the years to be like his “unofficial” box office rivals. Those rivals being actor Gary Oldman and teenage girls.

“Jack wakes up with flaring red eyes and…. Oh never mind…!”

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This madness all starts back in 1998 when Titanic was atop for the U.S. Box Office for an amazing 15 weeks straight. The film to finally knock it out of the number one spot was a film called Lost In Space. That film starred this man…

Gary Oldman played the film’s villain in Dr. Zachary Smith. Little did James Cameron know who he was up against. The next round came years later in 2008. That is when a certain film named The Dark Knight made an all out assault at trying to reach Titanic’s domestic box office record haul (600 million) once again starring…

Mr. Oldman played Jim Gordon in the film. Knight came up short at 533 million, but Mr. Oldman’s torment of Cameron was far from over. Later in 2010, when Cameron’s Avatar was making its own historic box office run atop the weekend box office, a film called Book Of Eli came dangerously close to ending Avatar’s streak. This challenge came during Avatar’s fifth week of domestic release (Jan 15-17).

Avatar finished #1 with 42 million while Book of Eli finished with 32 million giving Avatar one of its few scares for the top spot. And who was one of the stars in Book Of Eli? You guessed it…

Gary Oldman played the film’s villain Carnegie. James Cameron fought back his box office adversary, but this was only a diversion so another foe could finish him off. That foe being…

Avatar’s box office run at #1 was officially ended by Dear John that following April. John’s fan base consisted of mainly teenage girls who flocked to continue the vein of romantic dramas based off of Nicholas Sparks novels. Not learning from his box office defeat, Mr. Cameron mistook these teenage girls’ exterior as sweet and innocent refusing to see them for the venomous box office snipers they were…

“Their true form…”

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A year later in 2011, Mr. Cameron’s film Sanctum was released in …. the spring against another film involving those dreaded young titans (didn’t they teach you to never grab an evil dragon by the tail)?

 

The film was called The Roommate and again Cameron’s film was denied the box office top spot. The majority of Roommate’s audience was again, you guessed it, teenage girls.

Somewhere there’s surely plans being constructed by an evil scientist to create a film starring Gary Oldman that appeals to teenage girls. This to fully bring down Mr. Cameron in despair.

Until such time at least he’ll know what wakes him up in the night in cold fear…

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3. George Lucas actually dug Fanboys.

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This one you can file under things viewed as potential signs of the Apocalypse. The film chronicles the journey of a few friends to break into the Skywalker Ranch to see a rough cut of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.

The film includes quite a few quick-witted Star Wars jokes and some cameos by the original cast. The film concludes itself with a humorous jape at their ridiculous quest by posing the question: “What if the movie sucks?”.

You would think that Star Wars creator George Lucas would be furious, but actually was quite the opposite. Mr. Lucas actually dug the film (uh oh, to the fallout shelter) so much so he even allowed use of original Star Wars sound effects for the film.

You’ll even hear some of those effects even in the film’s trailer below. You’ll even catch an appearance by Darth Maul or in his human form, Ray Park.

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“Ray Park at his day job.”

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So pat yourselves on the back everyone for accomplishing something. That in still being here.

All bets are off if Lindsay Lohan discovers mind control or a snowstorm is actually named after Chuck Norris.

“You’ve been warned…”

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Sensei White Lotus

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